Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
