Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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