He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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