It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
