he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
