You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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