we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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