why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
