I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
This house was built for laser tag.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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