Christians are straight up FREAKS
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
