He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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