We're facebook friends in real life
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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