I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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