I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
