i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
