There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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