Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
