The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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