I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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