btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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