i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
