Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
