what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
