we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
