hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
