Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
