I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
