Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
