You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
