I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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