i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
