he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
