I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
