my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
