You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
ok first of all what the fuck
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
