Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
