Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Randomize
