His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Randomize
