Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
