the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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