you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
