What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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