Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize