Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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