She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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