Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
