so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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