put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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