I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
