im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
