Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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